Week 1 College Football: The Glory, the Gore and the Carnage

So… how are we feeling, college football fan?

You still celebrating, USC, Florida State, LSU and Ohio State fan?

Are you still with us, Alabama, Clemson, Texas and U.C.L.A.?

Ahh, week 1. Where delusions of grandeur are born, ugly truths are exposed and Surrender Cobras emerge in less than three hours.

Ain’t Week 1 fun?

The excitement, the trash-talking, the pain, the reality gut punch. The Paul Finebaum Show.

Let’s start with the elephant in the room, shall we?

Alabama fans are shocked. Wait until they discover more losses are coming.

I could tell them that Auburn looks vastly improved, but why kick a dead elephant? I could tell them that their once-upon-a-time, a-long-time-ago-guaranteed-win against Vanderbilt is now a possible two-peat for the ‘Dores. I also could remind them that Wisconsin is still sore at them for that 42-10 beatdown last year.

SEC bonus: Florida, LSU, Mizzou, Oklahoma, Ole Miss and South Carolina are also playing sorta, kinda like world-beaters.

Oh, my.

It was not that long ago when we learned that Alabama had kept its players from hitting the transfer portal in spring. Head coach Kalen DeBoer told—OK… bragged about it—earlier this year. That is a big deal in the fickle and flaky world of NIL.

According to tdalabamamag.com, “Alabama was the only SEC football program to retain its entire roster after the spring.”

Cue the then-excited Tide fans.

Last Wednesday, the Crimson Tide looked unprepared, unfocused and undisciplined against Florida State. Maybe the Tide players dismissed a really pissed-off Seminole team who went 2-10 last year. Here’s a thought; maybe the ‘Noles are better? Florida State 31 Alabama 17.

Cue the now-apoplectic Tide fans.

Alabama has so much talent that one of two things will most likely happen.

1— the talent wakes up and realizes it cannot be a slacker just because former head coach Nick Saban is not there to dish out some criticism, laser death stares and f-bombs.

2—the talent leaves after four games and enters the transfer portal looking for love (hello, Oxford, Mississippi!) in a new place.

The third option, terminating head coach Kalen DeBoer’s contract, will not happen. There are $70 million reasons why a buyout will not be considered at this point in the season.

Yes, Texas A&M paid $77.5 million to give Jimbo Fisher the boot, but it only did so after giving Fisher almost six full seasons as the Aggies head coach. DeBoer has coached only one game in his second season.

If, however, Alabama struggles against Louisiana-Monroe this Saturday, ignore my option 3 analysis. And welcome to Westwood, Coach DeBoer. (more on that later)

Texas has a different problem. Losing 14-7 to Ohio State may not reflect badly to pollsters at the end of the season. It was only a one-score loss, after all. Not everyone watched that game, did they?

OK, maybe [gulp] Heisman voters did.

Quarterback Arch Manning performed as well as a sea lion playing chess. He looked completely overwhelmed, confused and ill-prepared for the enormity of this contest. In other words, he looked like a typical, inexperienced starting quarterback in a big game.

The media and Texas fans created this Manning hype. Preseason Heisman favorite? Number 1 NFL Draft pick?

Based on what?

Two starts last year? Against Louisiana-Monroe, who went 5-7 last season and has not sniffed a bowl game berth since 2012? Against Mississippi State, whose two wins last season came against Eastern Kentucky and UMass?

Leave Manning alone. And blame yourselves for thinking you can prognosticate. It has been forever since the media has gotten anything right in the preseason.

But carry on with the disappointed Longhorn fan memes and the upside-down Longhorn hand signs. Nobody loves schadenfreude more than a college football fan seeing an elite school go down in a blaze of bovine dung.

Speaking of animal excrement, the U.C.L.A Bruins laid another deuce in the Rose Bowl.

Again.

The Bruins offensive line looked as stout as an emu, the defense was more forgiving than a bungee cord and the rushing game was less productive than a sloth on Ambien.

How much more pain will Bruin fans endure? Seriously. Their football program is in shambles.

The Big Ten media picked the Bruins to finish fourth-from-the-bottom in the conference ahead of the Maryland Terrapins, Northwestern Wildcats and Purdue Boilermakers. The only two Big Ten teams to lose their season openers were the Bruins (Utah) and the Wildcats (Tulane).

Hats off to the Big Ten media. They knew.

So far.

This disaster should not fall on head coach DeShaun Foster. When he was hired last season, he had zero coaching experience. Not just head coach experience. Any coaching experience. Zilch. Nada. Jack Squat.

High-salaried coaches do not always translate to a high-yield of wins but they do show a high level of interest and value. Or confidence. With a salary of around $3.25 million, Foster will probably struggle in the Big Ten.

The Bruins could demand that Foster be terminated. But there are currently two things preventing that.

First, there has to be enough fans to demand change.

The Rose Bowl had an announced attendance of 35,302 on Saturday, but scanned attendance was 27, 785. U.C.L.A. counts, according the Sports Business Journal, “non-ticketed and credentialed individuals such as players, coaches, staff, vendors, cheerleaders, band members, performers and even media.”

Gah.

Second, there should be a coach-in-waiting if termination is in the cards. Los Angeles has been a tough sell. A family of four’s $121,000 yearly salary is considered poverty level. The median home price is $1.1 million. It is very expensive to live in the Golden (cough) State.

Unless U.C.L.A. presents itself as a serious contender (in other words, paying a head coach over $7 million a year) in its potential coaching search, it will either hire retreads, has-beens or inexperienced coaches. Because that is what $3 million a year gets you in a Power 5 conference.

Chris Petersen, Urban Meyer or Jimbo Fisher ain’t walking through their front door. Perhaps DeBoer will get a nice invite and hostess gift?

So much for the gore. Now for some glory.

Vanderbilt is my sleeper in the SEC. Why? For one, it is finally behaving like an SEC team. It smoked Charleston-Southern 45-3 in its home opener and quarterback Diego Pavia’s brothers got into some trouble with the po-po after the game.

S-E-C! S-E-C!

USC, Florida and Missouri were impressive in their openers. USC beat Missouri State 73-14, Florida beat Long Island University 55-0 and Missouri beat Central Arkansas 61-6.

OK, I know… I know.

They all were playing cupcakes. But if you’re going to schedule a cupcake then beat the frosting off it. Do what is expected of you—complete dominance in an every-player-gets-to-play victory.

Barely beating a cupcake is almost as bad as losing. You scheduled a lower-tiered team and paid them bunches of dough to get their asses handed to them on a platter. Either serve it up or shut up. Do not be an Indiana (won 27-14 v Old Dominion) or Wake Forest (won 10-9 v Kennesaw State).

Be a T.C.U.

Ruining Bill Belichick’s college football home opener and coaching debut by wining 48-14 is almost as good as devouring a cupcake in one bite. No, wait. It is better.

This is the first time I’ve seen Belichick confused and Horned Frogs coach Sonny Dykes smirk at the same time. At times, Belichick appeared to be distracted.

One wonders… by what?

With Notre Dame and U.C.L.A. both losing, USC had its first Perfect Day of the season. It happened technically over a weekend, but the sentiment still applies.

It was a damn Perfect Day (ish).

LSU is suddenly in the position to trash-talk Alabama. November 8 will not be the Game of the Century. But it will be the day more alcohol is consumed than any other day this year.

There will be some upsets or underdog spread covers in week 2. Here are my games to watch:

Mizzou v Kansas +6.5 (This is my last cup of Kool-aid. Swear!)

Vanderbilt +2 at Va Tech (side bet: Pavia strikes the pose)

Mississippi State +6.5 v Arizona State (umm, there is no “dry heat” in Starkvegas)

Duke +3 v Illinois (the most Duke-thing ever is upsetting a ranked Illini team)

Miami (OH) +15 at Rutgers (a MAC team gave Rutgers a hard time last week so…)

U.C.L.A. at UNLV +2.5 (if the Bruins’ D stays home, the Bruins may have a shot here)

Baylor +2.5 at SMU (Bears are better than the experts think. Also, Big XII chaos in Week 2 is par for the course, isn’t it?)

UConn +6.5 at Syracuse (I’m all in on head coach Jim Mora)

Let’s continue the carnage going into Week 3.

Colorado Buffaloes: Jealous? College Football Nation: Yes

What the #$@* happened last weekend?

Take a man who has had a total of three years head coaching experience at the college football level—in the FCS, mind you—and hire him to guide your football team (1-11 last year) in a Power 5 conference that is self-imploding. Oh, and dare him to somewhat match his offseason bravado and predictions without embarrassing himself.

Mission accomplished.

Colorado 45 TCU 42.

You have to understand what a dumpster fire Colorado football had been. Remember when teams looked to playing the Buffaloes as a bye week? When teams saw Colorado on their schedule and prepared by watching “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”?

Colorado stunk. They were the Pepe Le Pew of the Pac-12.

After an 0-5 start in his second year, head coach Karl Dorrell was fired. How bad were things in Boulder? Dorrell, who is known as a mild-mannered Mr. Nice Guy, once shoved a journalist’s camera as he left the field.

Instead of going with another “safe” hire, the school went all in on Jackson State’s Deion Sanders. Neon Deion. Prime Time. Coach Prime.

Prime* was a legend in the NFL with his high-stepping touchdown antics, mega-watt smile and bandana-wearing mug entertaining fans for 14 years.

He was F-U-N.

Hiring him was a risk. Big boy football experience is generally required for admission to the Power 5 coaching carousel. But Colorado had literally nothing to lose—OK, except maybe a 12th game—and instead of whiffing on a former coordinator or coaching retread, it hit a home run with Prime Time.

Colorado turned college football’s heads. Actually, it was more like a whiplash. If things work out this year—translation: six wins and bowl berth—a new algorithm may be in the works for hiring college football coaches.

Prime is still green but his ability to recruit has never been questioned. Shocking all the traditional football programs and its warlords, Prime landed the No. 1 overall prospect in the Class of ’22, defensive back Travis Hunter.

Remember that name.

And having nothing to lose.

Because that is what has been missing in college football.

The vibe, culture and aura of college football is on a different level in Boulder, Colorado right now. And that’s not just the smell of weed causing that Rocky Mountain high.

At Alabama, fans are wringing their hands over A- not scoring 60 points on Middle Tennessee State, B- can more than one SEC school get into the College Football Playoffs?, C- does the country have Alabama fatigue?, D- if we lose one game shouldn’t we get into the CFP because of strength of schedule? or E- did LSU’s loss to Florida State mess up our SOS and… our season?

Waiting eight months for the season to start and then perform this mental exorcism is not fun. This is not a rip on Tide fans. But this is what happens to traditional fanbases who expect to win every year and do not take seriously fundamental changes in a sport.

Some are probably laughing at Colorado, challenging them to play their conference schedule “week in and week out” and to learn to respect their foes. There is a process a school must follow to join the elites.

Colorado is not playing by the rules.

It is so unfair, right?

Alabama has had to endure sanctions, a decade of rebuilding, questionable coaching hires and black-and-blue conference play to earn respect. Colorado lost a bunch of games and hired an enigma instead.

Alabama has had to play Games of the Century to garner respect. Colorado only had to beat TCU, the team that got walloped by defending National Champion Georgia, in week 1.

One student section is seething green while the other, well… is smoking it.

Not just because they beat last season’s No. 2 TCU on the road. Not just because Colorado won with a team that has only been playing together for a few months. Not just because no one believed in them.

No.

They are celebrating because they have forged a new path to success. And because Colorado made college football fun again.

Not one other program in the Power 5 conferences can say that.

Not one.

The Buffaloes are playing like their hair is on fire and loving every second of it. They aren’t worried about losing because no one pegged them as winners, including yours truly.

They are playing with 100 percent freedom under their wings and damn it, isn’t that refreshing to watch? Don’t tell me other players aren’t jealous.

They are.

College football has become a business. In all aspects. Heck, even the players are getting paid. And while that is something that needed to happen, the ‘amateur’ optics of college football were at risk.

The zaniness of the plays, the wild, unpredictability of players (can you say #collegekickers without a smile?) and the youthfulness of the sport are important factors that separate college football from the N.F.L.

Prime has returned that ambience to its rightful place on the sidelines.

Prime is making us appreciate the beauty of the game from a different perspective. He is making us watch a group of young men grow in confidence, believe in defying the odds and overcome fears. Playing like they have nothing to lose.

Prime is the ultimate mentor.

Now watch Alabama coach Nick Saban on the sidelines.

Does he look like he is having fun? Do his players?

There is a difference in smiling due to relief of getting the job done and smiling out of sheer joy.

Am I comparing Saban v Prime? Yes, yes I am.

Saban is the G.O.A.T., after all.

After the TCU upset, Prime did not hold back on his emotions. He gushed about how proud he was of his son and quarterback, Shedeur Sanders.

Most coaches tamp back those emotions. Prime cut them loose.

Unlike Saban—and recently, LSU head coach Brian Kelly—Prime did not publicly vocalize on what his team needed to work on, nor what the players did wrong.

He focused on living in the moment. That sweet, unforgettable moment of proving the doubters were wrong.

[cue singing angels]

He is a Christian and nowadays, that does not always translate to acceptance among the media. In fact, the media and Prime have an acrimonious relationship.

Despite his decorated athletic achievements at Florida State University, Prime graduated from Talladega College, an HBCU, in 2020. He considers himself a TC alum. And that has riled up some folks.

“Wow,” former FSU quarterback and sports broadcaster Danny Kannell posted on X.

“The lack of respect for the school that gave him his start is wild. The same school that retired his jersey. The same school that let him be ‘Prime.’ There is a way to handle this question and this ain’t it.” 

Florida State wants to claim Prime as one of their own. He’s having none of that.

Coach Prime also refused to answer a reporter’s question in the TCU post-game presser because the reporter would not admit he was a doubter. Prime told that reporter he had “receipts,” referring to proof of his negative media coverage, and moved on to the next reporter.

You have to admire his convictions.

And his hutzpah. But back to Saban.

Last year, Texas A&M head coach Jimbo Fisher had a kerfuffle with Saban. Saban accused the Aggies of paying their recruits to sign with the school. Fisher called Saban a “narcissist.”

Saban reportedly also went after Prime, implying Jackson State paid $1 million for Hunter to sign.

“Coach Saban wasn’t talking to me,” Prime said.

“Coach Saban wasn’t talking to Jimbo Fisher. He was talking to his boosters. He was talking to his alumni. He was talking to his givers. He was trying to get money. That was what he was doing. He was just using us to get to where he was trying to get to.”

Saban appears to be threatened by the NIL advantages that schools in larger media markets may have. He also appears to not be a fan of the Prime Time way of rebuilding a program, all legal by the way.

Blow it all up. Hit the transfer portals. Wear a thick sweatshirt in a heatwave without sweating. Wear some swaggy accessories and treat the players like young men. The exact opposite of how the G.O.A.T. operates in Tuscaloosa.

The jealousy of Colorado’s brand of football, simmering in the SEC, will soon boil over to the rest of the elites.

Saban is now that guy, sitting on his porch, yelling at kids, “get off my lawn!”

All eyes on Saturday appeared to be on Colorado and its wild brand of football, if X (formerly Twitter) is any indication of interest.

We are still in week 1, but Alabama is not on everyone’s lips. And that is just so weird. It is like we all woke up in a foreign country without GPS.

Maybe Alabama v Texas will restore the universe and realign the planets. A victory by the Tide would return status quo. But if Texas wins, could it not make that same claim? If Alabama loses, the SEC may experience the brutal and cyclical nature of college football, like so many before it have.

Nothing lasts forever. Change is inevitable.

It’s Labor Day. Shorts, tanks, flip flops and some Bud Light [insert tongue in cheek] bid a final farewell to summer.

Colorado is wearing 6-inch Louboutin stilettos on the Red Carpet. Alabama is wearing Dr. Martens sitting in the bleachers. The Dr. Martens are more sensible, of course. And they last longer.

But the stilettos scream sexy, dangerous and fun. A wild night out on the town.

Want.

Badly.

*Per head coach Deion Sanders’s request, he will be referred to as Coach Prime or Coach.

College Football Regular Season Wrap-Up: Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud

We all see what’s going on in college football. Yet, we do not say the quiet part out loud. Except for me.

I flunked being a wallflower at age 10, according to my late father.

No hate here. I love the SEC and its fans. They have elevated the game and we are all for the better of it. But for those who were not blessed enough to experience college football every Saturday south of the Mason-Dixon Line, I will speak up for you. (You’re welcome).

When will this SEC bias stop?

After USC and TCU won their 11th and 12th games, respectively, a major (unnamed, but you can figure it out) sports network’s broadcasters were discussing between themselves on air at how a second SEC team could get in the College Football Playoff’s Final Four. And how Alabama is still not out of the Playoffs.

Really?

America was rejoicing over the usual suspects out of the national championship conversation and these guys threw it right back in our faces.

How about talking about TCU’s dream season? In depth. How quarterback Max Duggan should be a Heisman finalist. How USC’s turnaround is a major story that has not really been fawned over. How Caleb Williams is now a serious Heisman contender after being ignored for 10 weeks. How Michigan and Ohio State are legitimately playing Big Boy Football.

But no, we are subjected to a network’s bias toward a conference because… it has a financial stake in that conference. To be fair, they are not the only ones. FOXSports has a stake in the Big XII and Big Ten, as well. They too propagate how these conferences are just as competitive as others.

But since FOXSports has not, until recently, made headway into competing with that other network’s programming/time slots, most fans watch the majority of college football on one of that network’s various platforms.

In other words, most fans get a weekly dose of SEC football because while those teams’ games are on different cable channels, they are under one network.

SEC Fatigue Syndrome. It is a pandemic. And the biased talking heads and influencers are rearing their ugly heads.

Arkansas was ranked in the Top 10 for two weeks before losing six of its last nine games. In week 10, Alabama was the only one-loss team ranked ahead of 8-0 TCU. LSU was the only two-loss team ranked in the Top 10 as well.

Alabama head coach Nick Saban is now campaigning for the two-loss Crimson Tide to be included in the Playoffs despite its best win being against No. 21 Texas.

Woof.

A friendly reminder to those fans who count a win over a ranked opponent in real time: if your team beats a highly-ranked team, that opponent’s ranking (at that time) does not reflect how good that team is. The final ranking of that opponent does.

Case in point: Texas A&M.

The Aggies were overrated at No. 6 in the preseason rankings. Nobody learned from last year’s identical mistake.

In week three, the the Aggies dropped 18 spots to No. 24 after losing to Appalachian State, 17-14. They shot up to No. 17 after beating an overrated Arkansas (remember, Arkansas lost six of its last nine games). Mississippi State then got a ranking bump after beating a No. 17 Aggie team that promptly extended its losing streak to six. Maybe next year the pollsters will show restraint.

Better yet, let’s do away from polls until after week six.

This year an SEC team will not win the National Championship.

Full stop.

No disrespect to Georgia, a fine football team, but the Bulldogs look beatable. They are not peaking. Guess who is?

Michigan. TCU. USC.

Pick one. Wanna play that team?

Those three teams look hungry as hell. They look like world-beaters right now.

TCU is having itself a season behind stud Max Duggan and a nasty defense to boot. Michigan, despite all of its injuries, does not care what the odds are. Jim Harbaugh’s Wolverines want to maul everyone they play. Tasting some Buckeye blood is feeding their souls.

USC beat UCLA and Notre Dame, its two rivals. While the Bruins’ contest was too close for comfort, the Fighting Irish folded like lawn chairs when the Trojans finally discovered their defense. Quarterback Caleb Williams even struck the pose.

I recognize the vibe that all three teams are exuding.

It was in January of 2003 at the Orange Bowl. No. 5 USC v No. 3 Iowa. Quarterback Carson Palmer had won the Heisman, beating out Iowa quarterback Brad Banks. The Iowa fans were salty, even saltier after the Hawkeyes took the Trojans’ opening kickoff to the House.

USC, coached by Pete Carroll, discovered its destiny while scoring 28 second-half points and won, 38-17.

You could just feel it. Like a hunger. USC was about to go on a tear through the college football landscape. It was an electric storm brewing.

That same electricity is surrounding Michigan, TCU and USC. Not so much with Georgia.

Perhaps the reason why is the continued slow decline to mediocrity of the SEC. After all, college football is cyclical. Isn’t it the SEC’s turn now?

Alabama v Auburn in the Iron Bowl used to be a College Game Day staple. The Iron Bowl’s importance took a dive this year. There was more interest in the Ole Miss-Mississippi State Egg Bowl, wasn’t there?

Because of the mediocre play of the SEC West, most eyes will be glued to USC v Utah in the Pac-12 Championship and TCU v Kansas State in the Big 12 Championship. Not the SEC Championship. Why?

Two teams—TCU and USC—will finally break the stranglehold the SEC—and to some extent the ACC—has had on national championship implications.

IF they win.

And I think they will. The talking heads and influencers have Georgia v Michigan in the national championship. Of course.

The ACC and the SEC will still field some great teams. But the conferences as a whole will not be as strong as they were once considered. Between the transfer portals and the cyclical nature of college football, the next few years are clear.

USC, TCU, Michigan and Ohio State are getting better. They have caught up to the SEC elite. So have their conferences.

There.

The quiet part has been spoken.